Tuesday, August 28, 2012

If I Wasn't So Ambitious

Throwback Lil Love Bird - 1 Year Old
I've been having a lot of candid conversations with fellow moms of more than one child about what it's like transitioning into 2+ motherhood. I had a strong feeling of wanting a baby pre-Nia and now I keep waiting to see if I have that feeling for #2 or more and it has yet to show up.

On a deeper level I'm pondering why that is? I always thought I'd want a lot of children (meaning 3+) and Mr. Love Bird and I would have debates about child spacing pre-Nia before I knew just how challenging motherhood would be.

One mom friend of mine who's put her lucrative career aside to raise her two children told me that she was happy to do so and there was nothing better than a baby.

Nothing.

I just couldn't wrap by head around that and it made me wonder if something's wrong with me. Instead I was thinking about what I think is better, at least at this stage of my life and it's my business(es).

I'm a firm believer in multiple profit centers, and I'm constantly balancing a ton of different projects at any given moment and at this stage I feel like slowing down to have baby #2 would detrimentally affect the trajectory I'm on.

Part of me wishes I had started on some of these paths in college, but I know the importance of blooming where I'm planted and I live my life without regrets. Instead I'm learning to sequence and balance and the ambition I feel towards my career goals is much stronger than the nonexistent desire for more children.

Sometimes I think if I wasn't so ambitious in non-motherhood pursuits I could surrender myself to motherhood and be in pure bliss in raising my children (as some of my peers profess).

Instead I want to keep on the path I'm on and take care of myself mentally, physically and spiritually so that when I'm ready to move on to the ambitions of (more) motherhood I will be ready to do so. 

Have any of my readers experienced this? How have you coped? 

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