Tuesday, February 1, 2011

"I'm busy = the new FU?"

When I was pregnant I vowed not to be the friend who suddenly disappears because I'm now a mother as well as a wife. In NYC people have a tendency to stay in their little neighborhoods/communnities and not venture out, but I love to go all over the NYC metro area and it's very important to me to maintain my friendships.
I don't have a lot of close friends but those who I do consider close are very important to me and despite being a wife and mother it is crucial that I stay connected. Unfortunately, this isn't always reciprocated because . . .
Everyone is SO busy.
I came across this post entitled "We Know You're Busy Now Shut Up About It" in which the author lamented:
Of course I'm busy. That's life. That's my life. That's most people's lives. Grown up humans tend to be...busy. Add kids, or business start ups, or illness into the mix and you have...much more of life to be busy about. . . Whatever is on your plate got there because you said yes to it - in the fullness of ambition and desire and wanting to eat life whole. Sometimes we take on to-do's and commit to climb mountains because our soul demands it. Sometimes life throttles us with unforeseen and unrelenting demands. Sometimes busyness is the result of keeping up with the Joneses. Busy can be good. Busy can be bad. Busy is most often a choice.
That last line really struck a chord with me - yes, being busy is a choice. I admit I used to double and triple book myself, and sometimes I still do depending on the flakiness level of the person I'm dealing with and because there'd be so much that I want to do. From performances, talks and general running around this city there's so much to do on any given day but it's up to me to choose what I want to ultimately do and then prioritize accordingly. 
I thought it was from the above article, but I couldn't find it but this unsourced quote is exactly how I feel about the "I'm busy excuse:" 
"If white is the new black and green the new pink - then is "I'm busy" the new FU?"
I rarely, rarely cancel plans. If I do it has to be due to illness or inclement weather or honestly if something more pressing or urgent pops up, which I'm always honest about. AND if you send me an invitation, get this: I actually RSVP yes or no EITHER WAY. Shocking I know! 
DH has witnessed me going to planned brunches, events etc. only to be stood up or canceled on at the last minute and he says every time, "I don't know why you waste your time!" He witnesses me getting down about the non-returned phone calls, e-mails and texts and tells me, "No one but me is a friend to you the way you are to them; drop them!"
So, while I don't believe in resolutions, I am going to do the following starting now: stop chasing after "friends" who don't have the common courtesy to respond or interact with me. My already short list of 'friends" (or associates I should actually call them) is going to get even shorter, and it may appear that I disappear, but I won't. I'll still be here and if those people want to reach out they can, but I'm going to stop with the constant pinging and checking in on my so-called "friends" and work on making new ones who actually care.
As this quote I saw on Twitter said:
"If it is important to you, you will find a way. If it is not, you will find an excuse." -  LovableWords 


  1. Hmmm, yes keep your friends list just that your friends list. You know them and their tendencies. I only have one friend that does not return phone calls. It took me awhile to understand her nature. I was hurt for a long time and was ready to write her off, but when I saw her for the first time in a long time, we connected just like we saw each other yesterday. She always shows up to my events and never RSVPs and I am always so happy to see her as, I never count on her to show up. Is she the one I call on when I need a person right then and there, no? But, she is a person, I can count on when I see her to genuinely listen and make me laugh:-) The rest of my friends, always call back never cancel and are great in their own way. Of course, here in Baltimore, that consists of two people. I have recently bonded with one of my daughter's friend's mother, but it’s too soon to call her a friend. I have no expectation of her at all, but so far so good. The best part about her is she lives close:-) My friends realized that I was a new mother who had a husband that worked at night, (they are older than me and have children in HS)so they always accommodated me. In friendship, I only make time for people that make time for me. In ministry, anything goes!

  2. this post is chock full of wisdom! In my case, people started disappearing from my life when I became pregnant. I tried to maintain connections, but it was like I had the cooties!

  3. I definitely agree - folks make time for the things and people that are important to them.

  4. i LOVE that last line! sooooo true....
    i have some friends who just like to talk about how busy they are too. and it's like 'hey we're all busy, so when do you have time?' and if you don't then great, i got other things to do!