Friday, November 8, 2013

The Regret Fence of Motherhood

I had bookmarked a post over on A Cup of Jo featuring five women who had decided never to have kids and explained their decisions why. I found it very fascinating especially because I had always imagined I'd want loads of kids then after having one child it greatly impacted my original plans.

A few interesting quotes (you can read the full post here)
  • "The women I looked up to were the ones who didn’t have to do the family thing. They were so well-traveled and glamorous."

  • "I like the idea of grown-up activities. It’s not like I have a specific hobby, I just really like the grown-up life. If I’m not going to recitals, that’s ok with me. I want to be married, not married with a child."

  • "I don’t have that feeling that I want to have babies. I have other priorities in my life. I have friends where even though their kid just pooped all over them, they’re like, this is the greatest joy I’ve ever had. But I’m not that person."

  • "When my brother had a kid, I was like, what will I do? I honestly don’t enjoy the company of children 90% of the time. But fortunately I had some really great aunts in my family, so I was like, I want to be a good aunt."

My belief is you don't know what you don't know so for me once I had a baby it showed me (and very crystal clearly so!) what motherhood was about, and it greatly impacted my future childbearing plans. If I had never had my daughter and had made the decision not to have kids at all I think part of me would always be curious and ultimately, I think I would regret later in life not having children. 

The Cup of Jo post came out before the woman who was widely criticized for admitting having kids was the biggest regret of her life. I think she publicly said what many are afraid to say and it makes me wonder ... 

Which side of the regret fence it would be better to be on: with kids or without kids?